What does it mean to be a man in today’s society? How do societal expectations and stereotypes affect our relationships? Tracy and I unpack these challenging questions. We dissect the stereotypes that can shroud our individual identities and discuss how acknowledging our mistakes can lead to stronger relationships.
We challenge the notion that a happy relationship is synonymous with an easy one. Instead, we advocate for the consistent effort required to cultivate a healthy relationship. Drawing from our own experiences, Tracy and I analyse how certain behaviours and mindsets can lead to a disconnect with one's identity, fostering situations that could potentially harm relationships.
Beyond just a discussion, this episode emphasises open, honest, and brave conversations. We dive into the significance of accountability, understanding, and transparency, highlighting how these can nurture fulfilling relationships. Tune in as Tracy and I aim to bridge understanding and foster healthier relationships within the community. Step in, listen, and let's redefine relationships together.
Host:
Fungai Mutsiwa
Instagram: @ blackfor30
Guests:
Tracy Tabvuma
Instagram: Tray Tabvuma
Podcast: blckmentality
BlackFor30 is a place for your voice to be heard. DM us your thoughts and questions @blackfor30 or via email at admin@blackfor30.com.
What does it mean to be a man in today’s society? How do societal expectations and stereotypes affect our relationships? Tracy and I unpack these challenging questions. We dissect the stereotypes that can shroud our individual identities and discuss how acknowledging our mistakes can lead to stronger relationships.
We challenge the notion that a happy relationship is synonymous with an easy one. Instead, we advocate for the consistent effort required to cultivate a healthy relationship. Drawing from our own experiences, Tracy and I analyse how certain behaviours and mindsets can lead to a disconnect with one's identity, fostering situations that could potentially harm relationships.
Beyond just a discussion, this episode emphasises open, honest, and brave conversations. We dive into the significance of accountability, understanding, and transparency, highlighting how these can nurture fulfilling relationships. Tune in as Tracy and I aim to bridge understanding and foster healthier relationships within the community. Step in, listen, and let's redefine relationships together.
Host:
Fungai Mutsiwa
Instagram: @ blackfor30
Guests:
Tracy Tabvuma
Instagram: Tray Tabvuma
Podcast: blckmentality
BlackFor30 is a place for your voice to be heard. DM us your thoughts and questions @blackfor30 or via email at admin@blackfor30.com.
for a long time, right as as dudes and I'm speaking from experience like we've been taught how to mac on chicks, right, that's not the issue, but then we've never I don't think we've a lot of us have been taught how to, in uh, nurture relationships.
Speaker 2:I have a dream today. Is it too much to ask you to grant us human dignity? Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the color of your skin to such extent that you bleach? For so many, many years, we were told that only white people were beautiful.
Speaker 1:You're afraid that if you give us equal ground that we will match you and we will override you black is beautiful green is saying I want to be free which means don't forget who you are or where you came from.
Speaker 1:Welcome to black for 30. Hey, thanks for tuning in. So, before we get into it, if you can just allow yourself 15 seconds to just be quiet and give this conversation the attention of your cries, and 50 seconds starts now. So welcome to this movement of consciousness that is black for 30. Um, so the topic of conversation is the expectations of black men.
Speaker 1:Um, so the the reason, or like, how this came about, is through me, having heard a lot of women have to share their stories, um, you know, whether that be, uh, relationship wise or however many other issues that they face within society. Black women, that is, of course, um, and I kind of felt as if the conversation was tipped more to one side, so you weren't really getting to to hear the male perspective. Um, and it felt as if, like, there was more critiquing of black women, um, and not enough of black men. So I figured to well, my attempt of rectifying that. Um, I thought I'd bring someone along to the conversation and I am hoping she's gonna. Well, I want her to to run and lead the discussion because, obviously, um, what really matters, I think, here is for men to be, uh, critiqued or and examined. So I'll let her introduce herself and the conversation hey, hey, I'm Tracy.
Speaker 2:Um been here before, so I how did I introduce myself last time? Um, I'm a woman and that is um. I was born and, uh, partially raised, but with the customs too, you know, um and um. Yeah, like I really like this conversation. Like um Fungai obviously mentioned that, it's a talking about the expectations of black men, which in itself um a huge proponent for spoken expectations, like actually really letting people know what the expectations are that you might have for them, rather than sort of having it unspoken. Um in particular to black men, though this is a very interesting thing, but I guess I'll speak all men in general.
Speaker 2:Firstly, yeah, um, I guess I, as a woman um, a black woman that is I prefer to be treated like a human right like any normal human being, with kindness, compassion and, you know, just care, loves that you would try to give to someone, um, that is also human and alive. Um, and I guess obviously it sounds very like comical, but if you think about it like I think as a baseline itself, um, like, how do you feel when you hear that like just a woman actually saying, hey, just treat me like a human being?
Speaker 1:so I guess it's like it's. There's like two experiences, like at least for me, right? I I understand it, but also don't understand it, right, so I don't understand it in as far as the women around me, um, I believe, don't feel that way, right?
Speaker 1:um like when I, when I think of my, my sisters, um, you know, my aunt, uh, my nieces. So I don't understand it from that perspective. However, from, I guess, like the social uh context, it's I mean, there's no other way to put it it's shit right the fact that, like, as as a person, you have to ask to be treated as a person, right um and it kind of makes me think about um, because that's how I apply as black people, that that's what we always find about right.
Speaker 1:But then I guess and also get compounded for women. I guess because now you're not only just um, hated, uh and oppressed because you're black, but then you're also experiencing that because you're a woman.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then imagine if, like, obviously for other people that identify as women, like obviously I can't speak to the experiences, but how more compounding it is. And then if you have a disability, how like or able bodies, that's a better language to use Like how worse is it for you. So obviously it's like right now we're just speaking about like black women's experiences because that's where I can come from. But, yeah, no, it's, it's good to hear that obviously you, as one individual black man, feel like it's shit right now by another black woman to treat us like a human being. And don't get me wrong, I've got the men in my life that I would call close and that I love daily they treat me like a human being, like, and if they slip up, I can recognize that maybe this is out of character for them, because that's not who they are in general. And I guess another thing is expectations wise. I think some black men think like black women hate them. But I would like to say, like me, my own individual black person, a woman, I don't think it's like a hate, it's more like we have a way that we want to be treated and when we pull someone up on it doesn't mean that we hate you. We're recognizing that you all also have flaws. But in saying that, please just like obviously work on that, like the same issue over and over again and being like I made a mistake, you know, like I think that's where the challenge, I would say the dynamics then get sort of really blurred or somehow disrupted. I think when people feel like they're being critiqued all the time but it's like you're still making the same mistake all the time, I'm probably not learning from your mistake of just treating someone like a decent human being. And it gets to that point and this is why I want to bring that example.
Speaker 2:We kind of spoke about offline, but it was just around like that dynamic in a club where you're like you just want to be, enjoy yourself, like and then obviously being the person that is consciously aware of dynamics, observing certain interactions. And then, for one of the interactions I observed was a really beautiful woman approached by a black guy. She rejected him, but then his way of interacting, which was actually friendly and very obviously flirtatious but also really just, I guess, complementive and nice kind of, then turns sour. You know, like you could see that the guy like obviously in his rejection, like felt like this is just me theorizing but it might be wrong. But just based on what I said, he turns out became quite, not aggressive, but he was like he became very. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but you could see that he was now upset at her Body language like change.
Speaker 2:Yeah, body language change so it like. At first I was like okay, like it's just. You know, like rejection it hurts. But then, like when you take that rejection to a level where you're now making the other person feel like shit, because you can see, like yeah, you can see how the woman felt, you know, like her face was emotive, it's kind of like we're out by and I'm sorry for like letting you down with your entitlement.
Speaker 1:I would find that interesting because, like I mean, firstly I think it's a you know, it's an ego thing, right, you can't allow your pride to accept the simple fact that there's someone out there that doesn't like you and then people can't then deal with it, because you then feel like you're being attacked, right, like it's nothing personal. You know, it's just that I don't like you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really it is. Not everyone has to like you and the thing is as well. Like just what I always get from that is obviously the zero to 100. But in this very small context, like it was, like it was a simple someone's demeanour change and he was very like annoyed and probably I don't know something happened for him to then make the other woman feel as unhappy as she was before when he first came in. But then imagine, taking that context of scaling up to see what we know happens from those like minor interactions someone gets rejected. They might end up shooting up a school because they were rejected, or they might end up killing the woman, like if given a chance, because how dare she not give me what I'm entitled?
Speaker 1:to yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So like I think obviously there's like really micro events like it's and this is why I saying maybe it's a burden to be conscious and then to dance, that really critiquing. But in itself, like I just think about like how it can escalate like and in those situations is like okay, cool, nothing, except he probably maybe made her feel really upset afterwards, but hopefully it doesn't escalate to anything else, like he can learn to cope with that. I guess rejection and rejection is not nice. I obviously empathise with him and big ups to him for actually being courageous enough, because in itself that's a huge thing to go up to someone and actually pick them up. You know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's the thing, like rejection is really difficult to deal with, right that.
Speaker 1:There's something I recently learned which I found to be like really interesting but also kind of helps with dealing with that like in the sense that so how people behave is just like how people behave towards you, right, is just a projection of what they think of you.
Speaker 1:If you think of it that way, then if you don't, if you look at me and like you don't like me or you don't feel attracted to me, then that's okay, that's your perception of you, right, and I then learn how to be able to just move on and to make you feel up, to make you feel shitty, like. I've heard it. Obviously you can confirm this, right, or I'm hoping you can. So I've heard about like, so, throwing the, the black Dynamic into it. I've heard that when dudes react that way, when black dudes react that way when they're hitting on black girls, it's because in some cases, they feel as if you know she should be honored. That I'm picking her as a black chick as opposed to a, you know, a chick from any other race within you. That's in that club, so it's like.
Speaker 1:I don't know if it's a thing you may have just been a one-off, but like yeah, that's what I heard.
Speaker 2:To be fair, I can't dismiss that it could be an actual point, like to be fair, like yeah, yeah, like I can see some people feeling like they have that Complex that they are someone's saviour because, somehow maybe they're playing into again that Social conditioning or that, well, social, I would say incorrect conditioning, where they try to perceive black women as undesirable.
Speaker 2:But it's very interesting that, like a black man might have that, but hey, you never know it to be fair, hmm, wow, that is such an interesting point and in itself it just makes you question a lot just around, I guess, what that person's own like World views, like considering that they already have that perception that she's undesirable. So I'm doing her a favor, written like she rejects them, you know, I mean because that's not someone you want to be with but then that that sort of Goes back to what we were talking about before.
Speaker 1:Right, that the whole idea that that sort of behavior speaks more about how you think of yourself and how you value yourself more than it does about the other person you know what I mean Like for me to think that, as a black woman, you should be honored that I'm talking to you as opposed to speaking to a chick from any other race. It's crazy because, like, it automatically confirms that I don't value my own race.
Speaker 2:Hmm, which is quite like it is quite Conflict, really confounding, isn't it like?
Speaker 2:Yeah, how do you have? Well, I guess, obviously there's a lot of self-esteem related stuff going on and probably Values and worth that's being attached incorrectly at some point there. But and again, I can, I can empathize, maybe like coming from a compassionate view which remember how it's telling you I'm trying to be more compassionate to people, yeah, even that and stuff. So I can just imagine like something must have happened to have that disconnect from, I guess, feeling empowered to be black and then to start feeling like Superior over because there's a lot of dynamics. Yeah, it's like it's also like just being a man as one of the dynamics and then also Desiring to be. I'm like that's right there, yeah, but yeah, you never know, and obviously some people, their consciousness to those behaviors, might not be there in that moment, so they might not perceive that whole, I guess, event or situation as a Deeper conversation than she should just be out or she should be really happy that I'm talking to her, or maybe he thinks I his really good-looking, never know.
Speaker 1:What is it? Hubris, right? Well, like, and I don't think there's enough, what? Maybe? Maybe there's not enough self-reflection, or I mean, and it's hard right, you know, we're talking about how people are on different journeys.
Speaker 1:So, like everyone's at a different stage in life so it's like maybe they're just not ready to have that honest conversation with themselves to First be. Because when I think of a lot of people when they talk about you know, you know black couples, you know power couples, all of that stuff, and I'm like a Big part of that working. I think it needs to be Both individuals like really working on themselves, like in as far as being comfortable with their black identity, right, and I think when, when you have that going for yourself and then two of you come together, I think that's dope.
Speaker 2:Hmm, yeah, no, that's true actually, because in itself, I think you know how people tend to say relationships should be easy. I think that's a misconception, because you need to work for it to be a healthy and very happy relationship. You can't. Also happy notice is like relative, it goes up and down, like literally. It's like Like you want a healthy relationship over a happy relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because over time you're not always gonna be happy, but you work and you always actively choose the person that you're with, and one of the biggest things I love and Took away from a lot of Bell Hooks work was around how our love isn't it's a verb, so it's about actions and doing and it's really to affirm, I guess, that you are making a choice to be with someone and trying to be healthy at all times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know it's very interesting.
Speaker 2:I would have loved to hear that a couple years ago.
Speaker 1:So I had to realize is Some. Yeah, I think it was like last year's when actually realized that this is what happened. So I was dating this chick Dove as chick right, and I missed out on that relationship, like I missed out their relationship because I I didn't know that you needed to work on a relationship, silly as that sounds like. It took me About at least 12 months to realize that, like, I was in a relationship and I was For a long time right as dudes and I'm speaking from experience like we've been taught how to Mac on chicks, right, that's not the issue.
Speaker 1:But then we've never I don't think we've a lot of us have been taught how to then nurture relationships. So it's like you're in a relationship and once you're in it, you're like, oh shit, Okay, so what do I do now? Right. So so for me, I got into a relationship and I just thought, all right, things are going to work out so, and I just sit back and I would complain about being bored and not satisfied and I felt like things were stagnant, Right. So ended up having to end that relationship and you know, fast forward months later than I realized, oh, I needed to work on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like were you the one?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was like, when I realized it, like I felt so stupid because I was like, why on earth did I think it was just going to work itself out? And you know, I was just going to be with this person for the rest of my life, so to speak.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you know what? Again, fantastic example in terms of how you actually need to work on things and actually be actively president, constantly choosing to, I guess, work through things with that person. And the interesting thing is, on the side note, and it brought back the whole expectations from black men, and I just realized something different from every woman, because I noticed you referred to women as chicks and I was like, oh, that respect factor. But then I was like my head. I was like semantics, straight semantics, because you know what this is. A colloquial term means nothing. You don't actually have anything to do with it. It's actually an internal dialogue.
Speaker 2:Whilst I was listening to you and obviously I'm writing that internal dialogue so I can continue to hear what you're actually saying, which was interesting in itself because that was a road for you, with your self discovery, to be like, wow, I actually need to put an effort. And I was just thinking as well. It's also around attachment styles. So, like you know, when you're younger and obviously if you had a secure attachment or insecure, whichever attachment style you had at a younger age, it also manifests in relationships, for so for you, perhaps stability might like that stability you're experiencing manifested as boredom or that things were stagnant. But that's maybe because, like you're not used to, like just a safe relationship, like I'm not like this is me theorizing, so this is not saying that yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:In that situation. This made me wonder if that's the case, that that was going on for you, where you're like you're used to, maybe like not saying drama, but when things actually because good, healthy relationships appear boring but they're actually not stable, and then where it's had equal, where it's like there's a lot of gut wrenching moments or like heart beating fast type of moments, then sometimes it might indicate that maybe you're actually feeling quite heightened emotionally or threatened in some way. You're not safe. You know what I mean, so you know. So that was also going through my mind.
Speaker 1:True, you know, thinking of it, though For me it may also have been an aspect of not knowing myself. So, so, like the boredom for me was not because, like you know, I wanted the drama and the fights, because, like that's definitely not my personality, I think it was. I think it was like having interest in someone, like you know, like I love to like talk about anything and everything, like I want to feel like you're both curious individuals, like curious in as far as knowing each other, but then curious in as far as also like exploring shit as a couple, right, and so we weren't doing that, and I think a big part of it, though, is because that version of me then is completely different to the version of me right now, and so now I'm more sure of things that I really like and things that really interest me, and I'm more sure of what I would want in a woman, in that sense as well. So, I think, because of that clarity, that element of boredom I don't actually see anymore.
Speaker 2:Ooh, I love that for you, cause that's an evolution for yourself. But then what I'm hearing is, technically, you're saying then for you to have a fulfilled relationship, you really need to have a good relationship with yourself first, so that you kind of actually are then curious and more interested in actually learning about your partner and growing with them as well, and then exploring the world together.
Speaker 1:So that's, actually really nice. That's a great discovery for sure, yeah, I think it's almost like a really dope gift to just be comfortable in your own skin.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Big time big time. Right.
Speaker 2:Big time. Is it then too much of a I was gonna say, is it too much of an ask to then have that expectations of other black men to just be like hey, be sure of yourself before you come to me, so that you know like I'm sure other women will be like. That's at least the bare minimum that I expect yeah.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you're asking for literally like and this is the thing, not critiquing black men or anything but, or men in general, I think it is like critique, but a constructive one. So I would say, like I guess I feel like women we tend to ask for the bare minimum, for example, just making sure that, like your basics are kind of sorted. For example, are you emotionally good, do you regulate your emotions, do you like just know how to handle your emotions. But second part will be like hey, like listen, I might be able to look after myself, like can you look after yourself? Like grooming, wise sharing, shaving, even, like just looking after your environment, cleaning that kind of stuff, like bare minimum, right, like that's literally the essential right there, like just to help you like survive.
Speaker 2:So sometimes I think I'm like we're not asking for too much, but it almost comes across as if, like it's a lot. It's like, then again, that conscious thinking around how we're sort of reed differently or nurtured differently, in that as men you're essentially told, or at least taught, that it's okay to grow up because someone will like not grow up looking after yourself because someone, when you're in a partnership, will be able to do that for you. But it's like yeah, like very least, but again there are women that also prefer that. So if obviously you look for those people, like you can attract each other for some time, I find that like people will try to attract a different kind of woman and then, like you have tension over that and like there's nothing wrong with being interested in gender roles traditional gender roles If both parties wanted like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But like I'm definitely not into it, like I will, and this is the thing like my partner and I were very like, honest about that, like obviously you like, when it comes to like taking off the load, like I'll cook for him sometimes and he cooks for me sometimes, but that's just like we're not even keeping tabs on it. It's more like, literally, whoever feels like doing it does it, whoever feels like cooking, does it, whoever feels like cleaning, does it. And then like, obviously things are not, like someone feels like they're doing more of it, then it'll be like hey, buddy, let's, I'm cooking a lot this time around. Can you cook? Yeah, conversation that you need to have, right, and it's between the two of you and now.
Speaker 2:But when you start having external influences, where I know like again, I'm just hypothesizing that some guys, maybe Congress, and talk about how they want a particular woman, like the woman cooks a meal for them and therefore they'll get ideas that maybe my woman should be doing that too. I don't know how it happens, but sometimes we get that impression. Guys talk about that stuff.
Speaker 1:So I mean, I think we can both agree that the problem is. Well, one of the problems, right, is that Black men don't have a lot of conversations like open conversations about real shit. So there's two ways I see it right. So there's a conversation I should be having with another Black dude, right In as far as accountability and just talking about what relationships should be like, so we can exchange notes, ideas and learn from each other, right? But we don't really have a lot of spaces where we have those conversations. So I think that's the first problem. The second one is that there's also not a lot of spaces where Black men and Black women are having that conversation too. So you have these expectations to what you said early on, right. So you, as a Black woman, have these expectations, but I don't know about them because we don't talk. The only times we talk is when we're in the club and I'm trying to pick you up, right? So if I don't know what Black women want, at the bare minimum, I'm going to keep fucking up, right?
Speaker 2:So Sorry to interrupt you, but to that point though, wouldn't the first step for you to do is ask the person Like, obviously, when you're picking up someone in a club, it's different, but once you get to know them and you want to be with them, like wouldn't you want to understand what the expectations are, Like kind of have an understanding of how the other person wants to be loved in a relationship, and vice versa?
Speaker 1:True. So and here's where the problem is right Dudes don't quite know how to have those conversations right, so we definitely have to do work ourselves to get there. However, I also think it is of benefit to both parties if Black women also help from another angle, right? So I think we are accountable Like as Black men, we have to be accountable for our own actions and behaviors, right? However, within that, I think Black women can also play a part in as far as, like, help me see that I should be thinking about shit like that. I should be talking about stuff like that, because I don't talk about it with my mates anyway, right? So I don't have Like for me, you know, like my dad passed away like really early and I never really got to see a, you know a mom and dad sort of like a typical mom and dad relationship to, I guess, like use as a role model, right so? And along the way, I've sort of like had to like patch work and figure out how relationships work.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of things are in that position Of course, different background, but like they're in that position where they don't quite understand how relationships are meant to work healthy relationships are meant to work, right. So if I'm in that position, it's like, yes, I have to do the work for me and actually see that I've been approaching this, you know, and in the wrong way, and I need to grow a relationship, and so I should be talking to my friends about stuff like that and learning from it, but then also think having women help from another angle would really help with how we approach those relationships.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, and I think I was going to make a joke which was basically yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I was like, what's your problem? What I'm joking? I completely agree. Like, trust me, I think in my younger days I would have said that for sure, that like it's a you problem. But I like, obviously with age and maturity, I would say Then I think there is space, especially, I think one of my biggest takeaways and learning state that I've sort of had to go through with healing happened in relationships and healthy relationships. That is so, obviously, if you are a guy and you've got friends that are women, I think tap into those resources, actually be learned to be vulnerable through those like, through those relationships, and part of it is having those conversations.
Speaker 2:And then, obviously, with guys, I can't give you a solution with that one. Like, how do you guys start trying to have conversations? Obviously it was nice, but like how do you actually get to a point where someone like we've talked about people being at different journeys, right, so how do you get someone who hasn't been conscious at all about a lot of things to start making them think about? Okay, perhaps let me start learning to voice, like, just what expectations are in a relationship. I don't want to be with one woman. I want to explore and have multiple women. I have different sexual needs, that kind of stuff. So it's like how can you start having conversations with your dudes Just because I think it's important? Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a hard one. It's a hard one. I think I've come to a point where I believe that the strongest way to get a lot of Black dudes to realize that benefit of it is if they can see the next Black dude have a really awesome and healthy relationship. And it's like I want that Right and like how do I get that? And they realize, okay, this dude actually puts in work because he meets with this group of two other guys and they hang out, Because a lot of dudes want to create groups where people hang out and they want to create events where other Black men hang out. But people wait for numbers, like what we're saying before. It's like, oh, we need to have so many numbers. I'm like, yeah, but think big but start small. So if I start having those sort of conversations with the people that are around me, so the three people that are around me, they like our behaviors will change and they also know three other people that are around them and so forth and so forth and it starts to multiply that way.
Speaker 1:So at least what I do personally is I try to have honest conversations with my mates, right. Sometimes it's difficult, I'll admit, like especially when it comes to, you know, stuff like cheating.
Speaker 2:That's probably like one of the biggest issues around Black dudes, right and just admit like you're not ready to be with one person, or that Maybe because cheating is a lot to do with you, rather than like the other person. So it's like what's going on internally for you to then like need to have external validation or external comfort or whatever it is that you need, Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:If you're not like it's even. Then it's never really just about sex, unless if you're actually like, have a like I guess a sex addiction, but like that's I feel like that's actually rare. To be fair, that's say that they've got a high sex drive Most likely don't is really a lot of emotional needs.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing, right. So what you're saying it's it's okay. If you want to have sex with multiple women, then just tell them. Like I've said this a couple of times, that with dudes I'm like.
Speaker 1:I remember I was having a conversation and people were mad to like, oh, she's stressing me out. I was like, okay, cool, but what are you doing, though? Like you're, you're, you're out and you're trying to pick up other girls, right and like so. So I was like, bro, I don't have an issue with you wanting to sleep with as many women as you want, right? Which is pick one. Like, if you decide that you, you want to be in a relationship, then just stay in a relationship, right, try working out. If it doesn't work out, then end the relationship, bro, cause it's not good for either of you, right? Or if you want to, but if you didn't decide that you want to have sex with some, like with multiple women, then you need to be open about it, tell them to let them know, and that way your ass is not stressed, you can have sex with as many women as you want and they won't give you an headache.
Speaker 2:But when you lie for them, when they say that they're open, they better be open for their partner to do the same. So they can't just be like it's one side. Then men often have that like entitlement thing where it's like no, no, no, I just met me yeah yeah, yeah. So no, you can't have ownership of it.
Speaker 1:But it's good for you, sorry.
Speaker 2:I said good job from keeping your dudes accountable.
Speaker 1:It's funny like, whatever you ask a dude, the reverse of that scenario, because that always seems to stump them right. It's like then they go quiet, then they are uncomfortable. I'm like all right, like you do see where the problem is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 2:That's a good one, yeah, no, no. I'm like yeah, you're on the ball there, but keeping your like one of the steps that guys can sort of help each other is really to be vulnerable and continue those conversations. And it just takes one person like be brave, be the courageous one of your group, to just be like brah, I don't think what you're doing is good, or even like, because I kid you, not like I don't think you'll be identifying, but there was a time someone once said that oh, no, no, that will. It's actually the person like no, they weren't, maybe they weren't listening to your podcast, but someone like they don't believe in like drug, sorry, alcohol, alcoholism or alcohol like addiction, and it was one of those things I was like huh interesting, like everyone has their beliefs, but it's one of those things.
Speaker 2:Wow, like that kind of gave me a huge, I guess, awareness of how much alcohol and other drug issues like literacy we need to sort of impart in the community. Because if someone doesn't actually believe in that like, then technically maybe they're surrounded by people with actual alcohol addiction, but they can't actually recognize it because they don't think it's a thing Like, they just think maybe alcohol is the best way to cope with things or whatever. You know what I mean. So I'm like that is yeah, that's saying something Like just as simple as that. Just being able to bring that awareness within your own groups will be like helpful. To then sort of like start conversations, implant a seed a little bit in someone's mind, so translating that into, obviously, accountability around cheating, and give them what we're talking about expectations, and just have to have conversations with like women.
Speaker 2:It will be exactly like that Just plant a seed, have that one person that's a little bit more courageous and hopefully they can talk to their boys.
Speaker 1:I hope this was a learning experience to adopt and change the way you think and live. The goal is for us and that includes you to be able to see us as for who we are, so we can accept the person in the mirror and begin to value ourselves. Whether you agreed, opposed or were offended by some of the content, I encourage you to engage with me so we can have positive discussions and try and understand each other. So send your comments, reviews or feedback to our Instagram, black430, or an email to admin at black430.com. If you believe someone will benefit from this episode, please share it. When you get to the end of this recording, please subscribe to Black430 wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you for your time and I wish for you to join me again.